myblog

super irritated

its sad that MJ died.

i'm sorry to his friends and family.

but i'm being selfish right now and i'm super irritated that his memorial is going to be on one of the days i'll be in LA. 

ugh! and i'm only in LA for like 1.5 days!

what were the chances?

there better not be super traffic and crowding. 

but i know that's wishful thinking.

oh well. 

maybe i can get tickets to the memorial?

ha!

movies

movies that I'm planning to watch in the theaters once summer comes... Star Trek Terminator Transformers Harry Potter: Half Blood Prince GI Joe And I just found out that Lee Byung Hun is in GI Joe as Storm Shadow. I saw a clip on mtv and it was great. yay! Its always nice to see korean actors branching out into bigger/American movies. =)

gotta vent somewhere

God I'm so irritated. So I'm giving the American Diploma Project Algebra2 End-of-Course exam which is a national exam (15 states?) and I've been stressing it to my kids for the last 6 months. "Miss, does it affect our grade?"  No, it doesn't but the scores will probably be on your transcripts. "Oh, so it doesn't affect our grade. Then i don't care." WTF!??!?!?!  So i had to say "if you leave even one answer blank I start deducting points from your next test."  Yeah, that motivated 99.9% of them at least to write something. But there's always that .1% who gotta be all "but why? its not even important. What does this even have to do with the current chapter anyway?" ARRRRRRGHGGHGHHG!!  its not like i'm even expecting them to answer the problems correctly. just write something. some people just rewrote the stupid equations, some drew a fake graph, and some just wrote a random number like "10." i don't care, as long as they wrote something math related.

So yesterday this girl writes on all her open/constructed response boxes "I don't understand this." or "how can you expect me to try this if i don't even know what it means."  And before i passed out the test today she was totally looking at her yearbook and i told her to put it away. I go get the tests and look again and she's still looking at it. I repeat myself and she gives all this attitude saying "but we're not doing anything right now anyway." frick. why do some people gotta question authority. Just shut up and do what you're told sometimes. Am I wrong? Seriously. So then  after her test she asks to see her counselor and next thing i know i get an email from the counselor asking to clarify how the ADP exam is related to Chapter 10. I'm just like ARGH! so i emailed her back and now i just wait. seriously?!?!?! the thing that pisses me off is this girl did so well 1st semester (and is now currently failing) that right now she only needs a 10%F 4th quarter to pass if i take a straight average for the year (math is now whole year credit course, not broken up into half credit for each semester like it was before).  How unfair is that? If you can't do one alg2 problem or even fake it, then why the hell should i pass you?

BAH!

I had to vent this here because my favorite coworker was on a field trip today and i couldn't bitch to anyone else. Sorry. On a tangent, why the hell should freshmen & sophomores be allowed to go to the waterpark during school hours (missing class!!!)?!?! they shouldn't have those kinds of priviledges. Seniors maybe. stupid people.

Okay, i should get back to grading now.
oh, wait. before i go...
i'm thinking of planning a last minute trip for this summer...end of June/early july.  We have enough miles for 2 of us, and babyJ is still under2 so this is the last chance to get her to fly for free.  Right now its either LA/Sandiego, Portland, or Seattle. Though what is in Portland? And what's in seattle? 

Twilight

wow, its the middle of november already? where have I been?  Oh, i know...I've been totally obsessed with the Twilight series. damnit.  like i don't have enough things to take up my time: my child who still doesn't quite comprehend the concept of 'no' and 'sit still', papers to grade, tests to make and grade, parents to contact, a portfolio to write, and a 1st birthday party to plan and prep for. ARGH!

Yet, despite all this, I still insist on reading the obsession that is Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer.  Yes, i know I'm at least 3 months behind on the hype.  I read Twilight twice (because i felt i read it the first time too fast). Then i breezed through New Moon, and I just finished Eclipse in 3 days. Now i have to wait for Breaking Dawn. Even though I already know what happens (can't stand suspense you know, so i had to read stuff online). I also ordered the books for myself online and I'm waiting for it to ship. can't wait! (my friend L lent me her copies in the meantime)

So now I'm all anxiously awaiting the movie.  i think that's why I got so interested in the books in the first place. I was watching the trailer and finally gave in and thought Rob Pattinson was super hot as a pale, intense vampire. lol!!  I thought he was a little creepy in Harry Potter, Goblet of Fire, but he actually makes me swoon with Twilight. stupid boy crazy past habit.  Anyway, i watched some of his interviews online and realize that I'm totally just digging his portrayal of Edward and not his actual persona because the way he interviews bugs me. go figure.

So now I'm hooked. and i can't get anything done.
It both sucks and makes me happy at the same time. I missed reading for fun. I haven't done it since Harry Potter. But then this one brings out the giddy school girl in me. And it makes me reminisce back to adolescent boy craziness. HEEEHEEE

my mom is so selfish

UGH!!!!
>=(

Here's the latest email exchange regarding babyJ's 1st birthday party...

Thursday, October 30th

From: Mom
To: Me
Subject: Aunty N

do NOT invite her.  If you do, I will not attend.

From: Me
To: Mom
Subject: Re: Aunty N

Mom,
I know you have issues with Aunty N, but can you please put aside your personal feelings for 3 hours and attend the party? Aunty N has always been supportive of me, and I would really love for her to be a part of J's life as well, even if its only in small doses here and there. I already feel like my extended family is falling apart and away from me, so please don't cause this drama. This party is not about you. It will really hurt my feelings if you can't be a part of J's first birthday for any reason.  Please do this for me and for your grand-daughter.

Love,
Me

Today, Friday, October 31st

From: Mom
To: Me
Subject: Aunty N

N really does not deserve my $7,000 pearl necklace.  Why did I give it to her after what she did to L?!
 
Did you know that in 2001, she accused L of stealing her $50 pillow?  L denied it.  But, to get even, N called L's parish in Virginia and told the pastor that L was a thief.
 
I told N she should not have done that to her own sister.  N said, "How would you like it if I took your $7,000 necklace?"
 
That is when I said she could have it (like a fool).  The next day, I thought to myself:  Why give it to her after what she did to L!  She doesn't deserve such a fine gift.  So I asked for it back, but she refused.
 
I gave her a chance for a reconciliation before your wedding, but she declined to attend your wedding because she wanted to keep the necklace.
 
Now you are telling me you love this woman so much you want me to suffer in the same room with her?  You are so insensitive to my feelings.  Go ahead and invite her.  I will not attend.

Plus, we all know she threw K's sewing machine down the steps and broke it.  She was tired of seeing it in the living room -- even though Grandma gave K permission to store it there.  Whose house is it anyway?
 
mom

So really, am I being so unreasonable? Am I being insensitive?  Do you see where I get my bitterness and ability to hold a grudge from? UGH!! She never fails to upset me over the stupidest things.
Help!

moving on

Thanks everyone for the kind words.
Today the principal emailed the official announcement to everyone.
The new registrar IS my dept head.
I still think I would've been better, but whatever!
I'm over it.
(or at least trying to be...i'm so bad with being overly bitter sometimes)
I congratulated her today.
I wonder if she knew I was going up against her. 
She asked if I wanted to be dept head next year.
I said "probably."
She implied no one else would want it nor were they really qualified.
I agree. heehee.
She also asked if I wanted her AP Statistics class.
As nice as having a class of 10 or so students (this year she has only 6!!) would be, I really don't think I want it.
1. I have never taken a stats class, nor taught the bonehead stats class.
2. Its related to probability, and out of all the math topics possible, probability is my weak link. ugh! can't stand it. 
So I said i'd pass.
But man, a class of 6?
but then again, being an AP class, there's that added pressure to put out results.
oh well.
I can't wait to have 2 prep periods.
Here I am planning it out now, and its not going to happen until NEXT school year. ha!
Happy Halloween!

job

So after all that debating, I decided I really did want the job. Even if it meant more time at work, because it meant more quality at home.

It turns out I was up against 3 other people that said they were interested in the job. I only know who 2 of them are. Not sure about the 3rd. There were 2 others, but they pulled out.  The one I was worried about was my department head, since she has the most experience in terms of leadership within the school. But she's always leaving early, and she doesn't always follow through in a timely manner. ugh. whatever.  But then, if she became registrar, I would probably have to become department head. Well, not HAVE to, but honestly, i don't think anyone else in our department really wants it or would do a very good job. Not that I think i can do a good job, but at least i'm organized?

So then we had interviews. Mine was on monday and the interim principal had emailed us questions he was planning on asking during the interview. I tried my best to prep for it. And I think i did a pretty good job, even if the guy kept getting interrupted throughout my interview. ugh. But I already had resolved myself to leave it in God's hands. I prayed and basically said, if this job is the best thing for me and my family, then he will make it happen. If not, then it wasn't meant to be. Or some spiritual crap like that. It was the only thing that could calm me down.

He said he'd let us know by the end of the week.
I got the email today...

Hi Maria.

Thanks for taking time in your busy schedule to interview for the registrar's position.

Since several well qualified people applied for the position, this decision was probably the hardest one that I have made this year.

I am sorry but I have decided to place another individual in the position. I know how it feels not to be selected for something one wanted...so for me this is a very difficult thing for me to tell you.  Despite this decision, I consider you a very serious and valuable member in our school.

Sincerely,

E.A

=( I'm really bummed. "i know how it feels not to be selected for something one wanted" well, thanks for sympathizing but that totally doesn't make me feel any better!!! >=(  i totally got my hopes up and already kinda had myself prepped to leave the classroom. This totally sucks. we so could use the extra money too. But oh well. Not meant to be, right? So I'll just have to see what happens now. I don't know who got it, but I know its not this one guy. so its either my dept head or the other unknown person.

But i think, even though I'm really sad, i think i'm a little relieved because i really wanted to start on that 2nd baby this coming summer and go on another 4 month maternity leave (heehee).  Of course, who's to say that will even happen. but I have to make the most of what I got, right?  Maybe another job will come up. And hey, if i do actually become dept head, then I get one extra prep period (one less class to teach) so that's gotta count for something right?

List in progress

Registrar's Job:
Air conditioning (hey, it makes a difference sometimes!)
12 month
20% more pay
7:30am to 4 or 4:30pm
all state/federal holidays that teachers get
14 vacation days
21 sick days
all my current sick days would carry over
2 weeks off during Christmas Break (and the day after Thanksgiving!)
No grading papers or making tests/quizzes/worksheets so more free time nights and weekends?
No contacting parents about a grade i'm giving  
But contact with parents dealing with enrolling/withdrawing and records
sometimes work to do at home "1.5 hours at night"
i think i'd be good at it. organization and all. plus i know how the school runs
If I'm sick, the school will just do without a registrar for a day.
...

Teaching:
No a/c
10 months
free to leave at 3pm (but i often stay till 4 or 430)
18 sick days
1 week fall break
2 week winter break (this year is the last time we'll have a 3 week one)
1 week spring break (this is the last time for 2 week break too)
2 month summer
dealing with classroom management
All the extra strategies/programs they want us to implement in our classrooms
dealing with students who just shouldn't be in my class
Interaction with the kids
Working with my friend just next door
If I'm sick, I have to plan for a sub (ugh)
grading papers, making tests/quizzes, planning lessons, weekends and nights if needsbe.
...

still thinking

So i'm still mulling it over.

I think one reason I'm hesitant, besides missing the kids and teaching and missing my vacation, is because of when i'll get preggers again.  I really liked the 4 month maternity leave. I just imagine what it would be like to have to come back to work when a new baby is only 6 weeks old. I remember when babyJ turned 6 weeks and how I thought I sooo wasn't ready to go back to work at that time. *sigh*  Just makes me worry that my next kid would end up all neglected. but then my old math teacher said "don't people normally stay home less when the 2nd one comes?" dunno about that.

But then tonight, while I was rocking babyJ to sleep, I thought about what it would be like to have 2, and how much more work that would be. So much more hectic. like at bedtime.  Would I be able to handle 2 kids AND teaching/grading?  If i took the registrar's job, would that allow me more time with 2 kids when I'm at home?

i'm asking him a BUNCH more questions to clarify and get more info. like how many sick/vacation days are there really?

a coworker of mine stopped by today and we chatted and the subject came up. She really helped me think about the whole situation. She reminded me that this opportunity doesn't come along very often and that she can see me doing it because I'm so organized (not!)...she said she can tell just by looking at my classroom (awww).  But then she asked "so 20 years from now, when babyJ is all grown up, can you see yourself still in the classroom?"  The answer was both yes and no. so that didn't help a lot, but it did get me to think a little bit more.

dudidu.
any more insight you can offer? =/

what to do

I have been presented with a job opportunity and I really really don't know what to do.

So my old math teacher and department head left the classroom about 4 years ago, after 10+ years, and became our school registrar. Its the job that makes all the students' schedules, handles transcripts and records, and plans the teacher's lines. Its a job for the organized, which he is, anally so. Well, apparently, he now wants to go into school administration after this year, so the search is on for his replacement and i guess my name came up. i have to make a decision within the next two weeks and I'm really debating, do i go for it or not? (no guarantee i'll get it tho)

Pros:
-no more grading papers
-more pay (20% more)
-air conditioning
-if a parent wants to argue with my enforcing the policies i can just refer them to the administrator
-

Cons:
-its a 12 month position vs my current 10 month position (hence the higher pay)
-so only 2 weeks vacation (no summer break or spring or fall breaks either)
-i'll miss teaching the students
-take some work home (balances the no grading papers a little)
-

if i did take it, he said that they'd have to hire another teacher to take on part of my current class load so that i can start training (like i remember he did a while back)

I dunno what to do. On the one hand i'd love to stop with all the constant grading and making tests, etc. That and dealing with parents. But then I'd still have a little work to take home and i'd most certainly miss the interaction with the kids. Then there's the lack of summer and breaks. Yeah I already go in to school during the breaks and do work, but i have the option not to. If I took this job I'd totally miss out on time with Julia during those breaks! I mean, i do have 2 weeks, but what is that compared to 2 months? Then there's the issue of our next kid. What will happen if i need maternity leave again? I posed that question and he said that it happens and that the school will have to find someone to replace me in the meantime. That and I might have to take a little leave without pay. But i most probably wouldn't be able to do the 4 months maternity leave like i did with Julia. But part of me wants to try it because i'm sick of the grading. that and we could reeeally use the extra money, especially now with the sitter. but i know i'd reallly miss teaching the kids...and my own kid! not that i wouldn't see her on weekends and evenings. and state/federal/school holidays.

G's opinion is that i should take it because he's tired of seeing me grade papers all the time and it hasn't gotten any better over the years. he says he misses the student interaction too with his job, but then i pointed out that he still gets to teach the kids in computer class even if its not his own homeroom class. so totally not the same thing.

i dunno. I remember being in SF at my office job and hating the inability to get out when i wanted. Would this be the same thing? 730am-4pm, no open windows. but still in a school setting, some breaks/vacation. still a state job with benefits. but no students. could i do that for the rest of my life? he said he's leaving because he wants to become a principal one day so sooner than later with the current circumstances at our school. plus he said he wants the summer during the "formative years" with his little girl, who is the same age as Julia. By the time he becomes a full fledged principal, those years will have passed and then it won't matter that he'll be 12 months again. Shouldnt' I be thinking the same way? If this job were presented to me 5 years from now, i don't think i would hesitate, but right now, i dunno. it could go either way.

any thoughts?